MY RELATIONSHIP IDEALS

Hi there!

Hope you've been great since the last time we spoke... Well, I have been better than the last time and that's a MAJOR goal for the rest of my life; to be better than YESTERDAY.

Talking about goals, one of my goals for the year 2016 was to read through the New Testament. This part of the Bible isn't only a constant read in major churches, new converts are usually advised to start their study from the New Testament because it is a lot ea

sier to understand and it talks more about the New Life in Christ Jesus. However, a good understanding of the Old Testament will also aid the understanding of the entire Gospel. 

But, I like to say, New Testament is the REAL GOSPEL!

Back to my goal for the year! I started my study from Galatians, then I went to Colossians, but somehow sha, I sha got distracted and later I found myself reading Hebrews and then my curiosity led to me 1st and 2nd Samuel which birthed my last article A Man After God's Heart. Click http://bit.ly/2c8S4Km if you would like to read.

In the bid to get back on track, I decided to start from the very first book. MATTHEW! Although I'm not done reading yet, but I got excited about when I read the first two chapters and I thought to share before continuing from where I stopped and trust me it's beyond chapter 2 and I trust God not to get distracted again *smiles*

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One of the trending things in my circle of friends and acquaintances is WEDDING and for each time I call or text to congratulate some of them, they end up saying things like "the God that did it for me will do it for you." "Your own too will soon come."Don't worry I'm praying for you." And from my male friends, they comments and ask questions like, "who's the lucky guy chi?" "I want to chop rice o"I can't wait for the D-day o". "What's happening na chi? "Hope you're not being too choosy". The comments and questions are endless and sometimes, really irritating. Why are they checking my clock na? Anyway, my only answer to their questions and comments usually goes thus, "In due time". It is neither in their time nor mine, but in the One's who Controls Time and the affairs of man.

Bringing it back to the topic, in all honesty, I don't have a long list of what I want/don't want in a man, but one of the major things I have registered in my subconscious is the fact that I can't marry a man who isn't sold-out to God. Abi how can a man who doesn't love God love any woman RIGHT? I believe strongly that is not possible. In fact, I friends that, "The man who will marry me, must be Holy Ghost filled because He will need His help to handle my personality" and most times they just laugh it off.

But, in the first two chapters of Matthew, I found a man any woman in her right senses should want. His name is JOSEPH. I don't think any guy in this dispensation would forgive their bae if she came to them and said, "Bae, I am pregnant and you're not responsible." I am sure the guy; if he is the violent type, will first slap the hell out of her before asking, "Who is responsible?" after which he will walk out of her life for good. Joseph wasn't that kind of guy and what made the difference was his relationship with God.

Ladies, if you must date or marry a guy, make sure he possesses most if not all of these traits. They are not arranged in any particular order, but as I penned them down during my study.

A SELFLESS MAN: Before I gave my life to Christ, most of the guys who crossed my path were only interested in my body. It was always about their "needs and wants". In fact, I broke up with the guy I was dating before I gave my life to Christ because he said we couldn't have a relationship void of sex. Our man Joseph wasn't a selfish man. Although Mary was betrothed to him, the Bible states that He knew her not (Matt 1:18). He didn't say "shebi I will marry you still, let's just Do It. It doesn't matter. Everybody is doing it". He didn't take advantage of her. He was a selfless man and didn't let his flesh get the best of him.

A PROTECTOR: Now, don't think I'm talking about a Super-Hero. No! But, I mean someone like Joseph who would protect your interest and image publicly, not the pet names he calls you over the phone or when he's cuddling you in his room. In Matthew 1:19-20, unlike the man who beat up and broke up with his bae for being pregnant, Joseph went back, thought about the situation and kept the secret. He didn't disgrace Mary by telling the whole world about the "pregnant virgin". Date a thoughtful guy, one who would go back and think about ways of resolving an issue and not one who would escalate it or leave you to solve the problem yourself. Such guy can't be the head of a home. Marry a "Gardener that would prune you and make you better than he met you and not a Hunter who just wants your flesh and leaves you boneless."

A GOD-MAN: I can't remember where or how this title was coined, but it simply means a God-fearing-honouring-loving man. A man who has a relationship with God, not a church-goer. There is a difference between fellowship and relationship. It is not all of your classmates in secondary school that you're still in contact with. While Fellowship brought you all together in one classroom, Relationship is the reason you still communicate with few. We have a lot of churchgoers, but God speaks to very few of them. Joseph's didn't only fellowship, he had a relationship with God, he was spoken to at different times (Matthew 1:20-23).

AN OBEDIENT MAN: Obedience here is in relation to God and the powers that be, that is, Biological, Spiritual and Political Leaders. A man who doesn't obey the leaders he can see will find it difficult to obey the invisible God. Bribery, evading tax and electrical bill payments are a sign of disobedience and it is stealing. Such man won't be faithful in his tithing, and I doubt he will be faithful to you. In case you're wondering how this is related to his love life. I'll tell you how. If a man won't do what the laws of the land says or his pastor or parents; especially when it isn't an ungodly request, he will find it difficult to do what God says. Even the Bible says "Give to Caesar what belongs to Him". In marriage, God speaks mostly to the HEAD (man) and like Joseph, God expects him to obey. Joseph never ignored any of God's instructions, he obeyed till the very end (Matthew 1:24-25)

A PRAYING MAN: Date/marry a man that prays. There is a saying that a praying family stays and "slays" together. I saw a movie titled WAR ROOM and one thing I Learnt from that movie is that a praying couple exercises so much authority over every situation of their lives. It is not the woman's duty to ALWAYS stand in the gap for her home; it should be a joint effort because much more power is made available when two people agree on anything. And for the man, it is important he supplicates always because that is the one effective ways through which God will speak to him. In marriage especially, there are decisions to be made and a man needs the wisdom of God to make the right ones always. Matthew 2:13-20 illustrates clearly that God will not speak to the wife without first, talking to the husband (there are exceptions though) and the man, in turn, obeys the given instructions. Though they are given in different times and places, but mostly God speaks in the place of prayer.

A WISE MAN: Being wise is having COMMON SENSE, which of course, isn't common. A wise man knows that premarital sex is a sin and that the number of women he has slept with doesn't make him "COOL" in any way. As a matter of truth, a wise man knows that sleeping with a girl and telling the whole world about it is a lack of common sense. Only foolish men "kiss and tell, they're as unwise as the girl they slept with (trust me, I've been foolish in the past). Also, Wisdom, the Bible says, is profitable to direct. An unwise man will not only be visionless but will lead the woman following him "awrong" (coined from a right). This is why it is important for women to also know their purpose in life before clinging to a man, that way she can discern when a man is wrong for her. Joseph, in Matthew 2:21-23 had to make a wise decision for Mary and their son Jesus Christ. There are times God seems quiet and at such times, one needs wisdom if one must make the right choice(s). Only a wise man knows what to do when it seems God is not speaking.

A CONFIDENT MAN: never settle for a man who is intimidated by your strong personality, or ambitions. If you must be with any man, make sure he is comfortable in his own skin. Joseph didn't get intimidated when he realised Mary was going to give birth to the Saviour of the whole world, instead, he stood by her, nurtured, loved and protected her till the dream was birthed. Confidence is different from arrogance. While one welcomes other people's opinion, the other tends to override people's opinion. A confident man listens and reasons with you, but an arrogant man shuts you up and dominates you. Joseph wasn't a control freak, is your man like Joseph?

A COMMITTED-LOVER: Date and marry a man that loves you. I am tired of seeing ladies/women who force themselves on a man. I mean, you can clearly see that they are the one making all the efforts to be with the man. A man that doesn't love you can never be committed to you. One breeds the other. Joseph didn't stay solely because he loved Mary, but for his commitment to her. Now, love is affection felt towards someone, while commitment is staying true to the promise you made even when you no longer feel that strong affection you professed in the early stage of your relationship; maybe due to a hurt caused by your partner. Commitment is integrity. It births trust! A committed lover would say something like "You ought my feelings by not telling me the truth about this earlier, but I'm here for you. We are in this together" and not "How can you? After everything, I did for you? In fact, do whatever you like. I don't care." People shouldn't use the words I LOVE YOU if they are not willing to be there in good or bad times. In my opinion, the meaning of those three words should be, "I will be there for you, even when I don't feel like it." Do not force yourself on any man regardless of your age, the past, educational or social background because God has a beautiful mate for you.

A FOCUSED MAN: Be with a man who is so focused on God and his goals that only God's interruption can make him notice you. Real men don't walk the streets looking for a woman/girl to whistle out. They go to church to worship and service not to eye a sister. They are not uptight, they are playful and fun to be with and w

hat stands them out is their ability to balance between work and play. They know what they want out of life and are doggedly working towards it so much that they forget they need a woman in their life. They are so full of God and their interest, only an Ideal woman can get their attention and not every Susan, Ronke and Chinwe.

A GIVER: Joseph gave his time, money, heart and everything for Mary. Why should you date a man that can buy or give you things? And don't say it is unscriptural John 3:16 depicts a perfect example that love gives. See, "For God so LOVED the world that He GAVE..." My dear, love gives! A man that can't give you a "card" as a friend can't buy you a "car" as a lover. Don't be deceived. Shine your eyes. I can understand if he doesn't have means yet, but then again, giving is not in the ITEM, but the INTENTION. I remember buying sweets worth 50 Naira for a male friend; I wrapped it so well with a piece of paper I tore from my exercise book. It's been several years and the guy still appreciates the thoughtfulness behind it. I didn't have some much then to buy an "expensive gift", but what I had, I gave in style. Don't for the lie that he will give you in marriage, dat one na lie. 

I read from Myles Monroe's book, (Waiting and Dating) that character and attitude exhibited during friendship/courtship, will continue in marriage and chances are that it will even get worse. So, my dear, he is either a giver or NOT! There is no middle ground on the matter. As a Christian sef, you're either HOT or COLD, no room for LUKEWARMNESS. Who wants to be spewed out?

Lastly, I'm not saying having all these in one's relationship (dating/married) will make it problem free but, one will sure have less of it and when it does come up, one can certainly ask for the help of the Holy Spirit; if you already have a relationship with Him and He will help solve the problem.

In case you're in a wrong relationship (Boyfriend/Girlfriend) already, I understand how difficult it might be getting out of it. It wasn't easy leaving my Ex too (because we were sexually involved), but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I left without looking back. Now, I'm not saying I've not fallen short since I gave my life to Christ 5 years ago. But, the Holy Spirit has been a sure help for me and God has confirmed His Word (His Strength is sufficient for me in my weaknesses, but I am wise enough not to take God's grace for granted) in my life several times. If you would like to start afresh with God and consequently go into a healthy and godly relationship, do say this prayer...

Lord Jesus, 

I believe you died for my sins and rose on again.

I pray that You forgive my sins, 

Wash me with Your blood, 

Come into my heart and be my Lord and Saviour.

Thank You Lord for saving me. 

Amen!

Thank you for reading. God bless you!

Chichi Ogbonnaya

#Aforcetoreckonwith

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